Hotel California

I’ve always been partial to movies set in hotels, be it ‘The Grand Budapest Hotel,’ ‘The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel,’ ‘Hotel Rwanda’ or even ‘Hotel Transylvania.’  The latest movie with “Hotel” in its name is ‘Hotel Artemis,’ which is a bit of a misnomer because it’s actually a hotel-turned-hospital catering to low-life criminals in the dystopian, drought-ridden, riot-torn Los Angeles of 2028 when water is becoming increasingly privatized.  Regardless, because the trailer looked interesting enough and the movie looks a bit off the beaten path, I decided to check in for 90 minutes or so.

‘Hotel Artemis’ is one of those films which centers on a handful of colorful characters and how they intersect.  Central to the story are “The Nurse” (Jodie Foster), who runs her clinic (you call that a hospital?) like an overprotective head mistress, and her trusty loyal servant "Everest" (Dave Bautista). There are strict rules that must be followed at the Hotel Artemis.  Being a card-carrying exclusive Gold member before you are even admitted is the first and foremost.  It is therefore too bad that, over the course of one chaotic night, "The Nurse’" couldn’t manage to uphold nearly all of them.  Rounding out the cast of ne’er-do-wells are the bank robber-with-a-conscience “Waikiki” (Sterling K. Brown), the classic femme fatale assassin “Nice” (I prefer to think of her as “Naughty” because she’s played by Sofia Boutella), the loud-mouthed douchebag arms dealer “Acapulco” (Charlie Day) and the Godfather-like crime lord known simply as “The Wolf King" (Jeff Goldblum), who just so happened to be the one who bankrolled the whole operation.

Not knowing quite what to expect, HA turned out to be a mild disappointment for me because it really doesn’t have much of a plot to speak of.  The characters, colorful as they may be, are not quite interesting enough to hold our undivided attention over the course of one hour and thirty-odd minutes (the film’s running time).  HA is quirky and you might even call it the “Pulp Fiction” of hotel movies, but for all its sheer style it is ultimately devoid of substance to the core.

Grade: B-